Heartbreak Beat
by PachucaSunrise
Summary: My response to the iPod Shuffle Challenge; 10 short drabbles based around the romantic pairing of Butters and Kenny. Rated T for swearing and mild sexual content.


**A/N: **This was a great way to alleviate some writer's block for my other story, and it was fun as hell, too. I always listen to music when I write, so in that respect this was easy. But I have a bad habit of editing _while _I'm writing, and you can't really do that when you only have 3-5 minutes to crap out a decent ficlet.

Is it considered cheating if I read through the lyrics before writing? Not sure, haha, but that's what I did. Overall, I'm pretty happy with how this turned out, and I think I might expand a couple of them into oneshots someday. (IBYA comes first, though)

Here are the rules:

_1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.  
2. Put iTunes or equivalent media player on random.  
3. For each song that plays, write something related to the theme you picked inspired by the song. You have only the time frame of the song: no planning beforehand: you start when it starts, and no lingering afterward; once the song is over, you stop writing. (No fair skipping songs either; you have to take what comes by chance!)  
4. Do ten of these, then post._

Everyone should do this! I highly recommend it!_  
_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own South Park, Butters and Kenny, or any of the songs that these drabbles were inspired by. _  
_

**1. **"**Do It For Me Now" by Angels and Airwaves**

Butters knew that life wasn't like the movies, but sometimes, he sure wished it was.

He wished this the most whenever he and Kenny would have a fight. It didn't happen too often - hardly ever - but when it did, he felt terribly sad and unsure about their relationship for days after. The uncertainty of it all was the worst part. He hated worrying that one day, they would fight so bad that Kenny would leave and take Butters' heart with him. In the movies, the characters' fights were never like Butters and Kenny's. They weren't about something unimportant like the kittens that Butters had adopted and brought to their apartment without Kenny's permission. They weren't resolved slowly, and there was no awkwardness in the aftermath. They weren't clumsily affectionate with their make-up sex, and they didn't slip into their bed after hours of avoidance with bare shoulders touching, unspoken words filling the air around them. Butters wished they were all the things the movie couples were.

**2. **"**I Want You" by Third Eye Blind**

It took Kenny a long time to realize why he wanted Butters so much.

He eventually came to the conclusion that a big part of it was Butters' disarming honesty, his love and devotion to the truth. That's why he liked having Butters around; he was different from everybody else. Kenny wasn't sure how this fueled his lust for Butters, but oh, did he _lust_. He wanted Butters. He wanted every part of him, every inch of skin and every little demon that lurked beneath that skin. He wanted Butters, and he was completely and 100% unapologetic about it. Butters must surely know of the smoldering glances that Kenny cast in his direction from the back of class, the way he took advantage of every possible opportunity to touch him, whether it was a simple brushing of fingers or a more definitive shoulder bump. Kenny didn't care; he took it all. He couldn't get enough.

**3. **"**Gift of Paralysis" by Envy on the Coast**

Kenny was still the strongest person Butters knew, even after paralysis.

Of course, Kenny wasn't physically strong anymore; he was withered, weak, and weary, and his bones were now brittle, almost like paper. There would be no more superheroing for him. But despite all this, Kenny's tough demeanor, that inner fire that allowed him to take on the world with a grin on his face, never even wavered. "These bones are just accessories," Kenny had told him, shrugging. Butters didn't know how he'd replied to that - "b-but they're your _bones_!" he had probably sputtered - but he _did _remember the way he slept in the chair beside Kenny's bed, his head drooping forward on the smooth and sterile hospital sheets, not even minding the crick in his neck and lower back when he woke up because it was nothing compared to what Kenny must feel every minute of the day. If Kenny could do it all and come out smiling, then Butters could, too.

**4. **"**Thrash Unreal" by Against Me!**

If Kenny wanted to dance and drink all night, then by God, he was going to dance and drink all night.

He would go until he passed out or until everybody else left, leaving Butters to clean up his mess. Butters didn't like that part. He didn't like the pathetic way Kenny would suddenly curl up on the floor, using empty beer bottles as his pillow. But there was a strange beauty about Kenny's innate ability to balance this fast life of drugs and alcohol and partying like a tightrope walker, the way he didn't give a damn about how pathetic he looked lying in a virtual puddle of depravity. Butters envied him. He wished he could be happy, almost proud of his lonely life, his empty bed, just like Kenny was. But Butters could never be Kenny, no matter how hard he tried.

**5. **"**Lay Me Down" by Dirty Heads**

"Kenny," Butters panted, trying to speak around the dust in his mouth. "Can we please stop for a coupla days? I don't like runnin' around all the time."

Kenny was pressed up against the back of a tavern, the brim of a cowboy hat tilted down over his sharp blue eyes, a horse's reins gripped in one gloved hand. He shot Butters an apologetic look. "Sorry, kid. Maybe we'll stop at the next town, if we can get Sheriff Sparks off our ass for awhile."

Butters slouched forward, kicking up some dirt with the tip of his boot. He liked being an outlaw, mostly because it meant he got to spend time with Kenny, but he hated being constantly on the move. For once, he just wanted to relax and spend some time with his lover. Was that really so much to ask? Butters didn't think so.

A moment later, he heard a sigh and then felt Kenny angling his head upwards until their eyes met. "We're heading southbound. If we get to the next town safely," Kenny said, a familiar smirk curving his lips, "We can find a nice inn and I'll make it worth your while. Sound good?"

Butters was briefly confused until he noticed the suggestive way in which Kenny was wiggling his eyebrows. The Eyebrow Wiggle could mean one thing, and one thing only. Butters grinned from ear to ear. "Boy, does it ever!" he enthused, letting his eyes drift shut as Kenny's smooth, leathery touch trailed down his jaw line. Kenny always made everything worthwhile.

**6. **"**We Did It When We Were Young" by The Gaslight Anthem**

Butters wished that Kenny would just leave him alone.

He knew that was a mean thing to say, and he felt awful for even thinking it. But it was true. As Butters sat on the front porch of his suburban house, absently petting his dog in the midsummer heat, he stared across the lawn at his mailbox and knew that it was filled to the brim with letters from Kenny. Kenny. The boy (now a man) who he'd broken up with three years ago, and had since then spiraled into a pit of self-destruction and pity that would put falling stars to shame. Butters wanted to help Kenny, wanted to be the hand that helped pull him out of that pit. He still missed him. Oh, did he miss Kenny, so much so that he felt it like a physical ache on days like this when there was nothing else to do but reminisce. His younger self was still dizzyingly in love with him. But Butters was older now, and he had a completely different life behind the white picket fence, one that didn't include the dashing blond who'd stolen his heart so many years ago. He still couldn't decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but it was the way things were. They would both just have to accept the fact that they weren't young anymore.

**7. **"**Stellar (Acoustic Version)" by Incubus**

"Meet me in outer space."

Butters whimpered as the words tumbled out of Kenny's lips, pooling across the skin of his chest, and writhed around on the grass. He'd never planned to lose his virginity on the top of a hill, between a blanket and Kenny and the vast expanse of stars pinpricking the night sky above, but, well, here he was. It was kind of hard to focus on his surroundings what with the sinful and beautiful things Kenny was doing to his body, though he couldn't help but think that it was all very fitting. He felt like one of those stars; detached from the rest of the world, a burning ball of desire, floating out there in space.

"How do ya do it?" Butters breathed in the aftermath, Kenny's head nestled in the crook of his neck.

Kenny looked up at him, dark blue eyes dusty with post-coital exhaustion. "Huh?"

Butters blushed and glanced away. "How do ya do it?" he repeated, and then clarified when Kenny continued to give him a blank stare, "Make me feel like I do, I-I mean. Gosh, I've never felt nothin' this good before."

He wondered if Kenny would laugh at him, or say something like, _'well, no shit, Sherlock. It's sex; it's SUPPOSED to feel good!' _But Kenny didn't laugh or even speak. He gave a tiny nod of understanding and pressed his lips to Butters' once more, hot and wet and hungry and so _Kenny _that Butters instantly melted. "I'm not that great," Kenny muttered when he pulled away. "Now you, on the other hand… you're pretty fucking stellar."

Butters smiled wistfully. Stellar. Yeah, that was how Kenny made him feel.

**8. **"**This is a Fire Door Never Leave Open" by The Weakerthans**

Kenny watched the glow of car headlights pass across the cold and dark paneled walls of the living room, briefly illuminating Butters' face before disappearing completely. He felt Butters' shoulders shake with a shuddering breath as he rested against Kenny, mumbling something in his sleep. Kenny took another drag on his cigarette, let the puffy cloud of smoke condense on the rimy hoarfrost-covered window, then absently wrote Butters' name in the resultant fog. Deep down, he knew he should be content. As he looked around the house, he saw that he already had everything he'd ever need: relatively comfortable furniture, food, a roof above his head, and the boy that he loved, clinging to him like a buoy amongst choppy ocean waves. Home was where the heart was, and here was everything he loved. So why didn't it feel right?

**9. **"**Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event**

It started sometime around midnight.

Kenny was standing under the barlights, his fingers wrapped around a small shot glass filled to the brim with alcohol that burned his mouth and left a bitter aftertaste. He didn't know why he was here; it was just him, the bartender, and the band, after all, which didn't make for very good drinking company. But Kenny downed his sixth shot of vodka that night simply because he had nothing better to do. God, he was pathetic. He laughed a bitter hiccupping laugh and let his head fall down on the mahogany surface of the bar with a resounding '_thunk'_.

It quickly became apparent to him that there was someone else at the bar besides him, the bartender, and the band. He could feel the man's gaze searing into his slumped back, could hear his musical laugh mingling with a rougher, unfamiliar one. What was Butters doing here? He didn't even _like _drinking. Kenny should know; he'd dated him for four years and had memorized every little nuance and quirk of Butters' personality, and _fuck_, it was quirky.

The scent of cologne drifted into Kenny's nostrils and he lifted his head up just enough to see Butters sliding into the empty stool next to him. "Heya," Butters greeted casually, smiling at him like nothing bad had ever happened between them when in fact, _everything _had. "How are you doin'?"

The memories rushed back to Kenny's mind immediately, coming in waves; he remembered their childhood, their tentative and gradual transition into lovers, the curl of Butters' naked body in his arms, the reflection of a diamond ring in Butters' panic-stricken eyes before he bolted and left Kenny forever. It was all too much.

"I… I gotta go," Kenny slurred abruptly. Ignoring Butters' broken protest, he stumbled away from the bar and hobbled outside into the cold night air as fast as his alcohol-impaired limbs would allow. He couldn't be around Butters; Butters would just break him in two.

**10. **"**With or Without You" by U2**

Butters pulled the blankets up to his chin and closed his eyes shut as tight as possible. He was trying to stop the tears from coming, but it was useless. They squeezed out of his eyelids and left a salty trail down his cheek, making his pillow damp and uncomfortable. He didn't want to cry anymore. He wanted to be happy, loving life, just like he used to, but he couldn't because Kenny wasn't there. What were you supposed to do when the only person that made you happy was halfway across the world?

Butters rolled into a sitting position, resting his bare back against the headboard, and stared down at his bony wrists with sleepy eyes. He had gotten skinnier in the past month without Kenny there to make sure he ate. There were no visible bruises on his peachy skin, tinted orange in the light from the streetlamps pouring in through his apartment window, but he could feel them crawling underneath his skin nonetheless. It was simple: he needed Kenny. His _body _needed Kenny. But Kenny was too busy saving the rest of the world to save Butters. He was always giving himself away, even when they were together, and that's why Butters couldn't live with or without him.


End file.
